Here and now

an accident of the universe
no more that brought me here
a spark of chance and heat
circumstances

Haiku of Thanks

Despite the rumors,
There is but only one life
So say Thanks daily!


reena
nov 2015

Echoes

So won't you come and sit by me
Let me write a few lines for you
And hold your hand to wipe those hurts
As I softly hum our hearts' tunes
And let me erase the marks in sand
The stories that have kept you back
I'll listen to each and every one
Until all salt washes from your eyes
As all our time will fly away
The moments will be few and far
A single life, shorter than time
Will lay a track deep, indelible
Together a story will be written
Minute details that only our hearts recall
But every echo will live as they always have
For souls that see what others may not...


-Reena


Nov 21 2015

after the fall...

I love these days of Fall
A contrite Sun ebbs, lets a gentle breeze play 
Languid evenings reminders of my graces and debts
As the wheels roll, kaleidoscopes of life's sketches whir by...

oct 26th 2015

endless march

i saw my grieving friend today
lost her grown son decades too soon
i hugged her tight for loss and love
she hesitated, "i'm ok" as she gently shook

i couldn't bring bumbling words to account
for this wretched reversal of a universe so cruel
she said she's back at work and shrugged,
"they ask why, but what else can i do...?"

she talked of his wife and her loss
generously giving her grief more sway
saying she lost her best friend, her love
how will she carry on, resume from there?

indifferent grief sat among us as we talked
how can we raise them, lose them, yet live on?
what is the nature of hope in such darkness?
"he said goodbye..." she smiled wide, "i love you mom"

and life moves right on without another thought
while it does us in, shattering all we sought
wide open wounds bleed and there is no pause
life's unabated drumbeat, "march on, march on!"

says she's wading through family pictures, old slides
ever practical readying for ceremonies and guests
then she saw my clouded face and gave me a smile
"i did lose his future, but i still have his past!"

-reena

for my dear, brave friend...
oct 10th 2015

i'm not here

sometimes it's just so long
before i catch my breath
and half this life is gone
exhausted, washed away

so who was it that said
i could have ruled this place
promises i made unwitting
signatures that make me pay

now you come asking for more
i don't know that i can undo
those vows i can still remember
and even promises to you

meanwhile i dream of losing
myself in new lands
where they believe the tales i bring
and no one knows my name

perhaps this vanity will die with me
perhaps it will set me free
but before that endless eternity
there's a different path i seek...


--reena
oct 7, 2015
..dream on...

truant

i dream of the mountains
songs etched deep in my mind
as if tracks laid from a past i can't account
yet the strains i hear are live and loud

i long for that airy smell of elevation
the thinner air and pricks of pine
the brooks that run on hurried tour
so madly blind to the flowers ashore

reminds me of a youthful song
but really nothing i haven't sung before
yet more than once i come back here
to replay the memories, slay my fears

and an immortality i can replay
for i can see those who saw this before
did they feel this tender touch of skin
did they tread the trails where i have been

and if they have as i do today
did their stories play out like mine will say
the pull so strong i can't be still
this cosmic embrace of those smoky blue hills

i'll be gone but the mountains live on
i surely was here, my dust will attest
my thoughts and warmth beckoning others on
my love encrusted in these hills and beyond...


-reena
as i long for the mountains... just becoz'

aug 25th 2015

The big day...

September 6, 2006

Yesterday was your big day - you started Kindergarten at Bowman International. Nana-nani were here to give you their blessings. How wonderful that they could be here to do that. Nani fed you a spoon of "dahi aur cheeni" to mark the occasion. I loved the little ceremony.

We drove together -- your dad and I to drop you off. At school, outside your classroom, it was all over before I could get acclimated to the new drop off. With a kiss and a wave you were gone and your dad and I were left standing there agape. I was quite apprehensive about my little baby and how she will fare on day one but you seemed so with it....my little self-contained one. As I always say, "You're wise beyond MY years."

This morning however there were a few tears. You complained about how long the day was and how much you "...missed mommy all day". I know you're pining for the lazy and magical, warm days with nana-nani that you've spent this summer. To comfort you, we talked about using your "kissing hand" and you said "it did not work" so i showed you how it works only if you place it on your heart and say "i miss mommy and now I feel better". That seemed to help. Then you demanded today (day 2), to carpool with Anya so I had to call Rizwana aunty and arrange that. Once again you left with a big smile and were gone before I could get my fill of your sweet smile...

How I miss you my little one. It's a big week for you and for me. I think about how this is your first big step into the world. My love is with you, always.

----

--Reena

Publishing now that my little dumpling has graduated from 8th grade ...9 years later ...but this was written after that first day of Kindergarten.

September 6th 2006

precious

the ephemera of life on this earth

never fails to impress 

whence all is said and done

love will count, not much else

so go out, run free, be great

don't forget to touch that heart, kiss that face, hug that one

who lights up your life every moment of every day

for come tomorrow it may just be a memory

clutch these moments, hold on, love well - today!!

******

 June 9, 2011

came to me a long time ago when that silly and very young little girl Mira, asked me how much I loved her...I laughed and cried...before I could answer

thorns

ran wild among my flowers fragrant
made it my habit of being found with them
ran in a hurry, inhaled magic colors
but somehow the thorns caught my shins

traded soft sands and easy lands
for runs and exhausting promises
while winds erased the paths i imagined
found new dreams as old ones vanish

and yet the bruises do cruelly remind
of far off tales and dusty paths
you once reminded me of the sins
of forgetting in love's aftermath

but will i be ready waiting at life's door
when the mighty fences have melted away
when my shins have grown stronger skin
when it's time to fly away...


--------
reena
june 4th 2015

less than 15 seconds...

kindling

how did it come to be?
just walking a day at a time
i wasn't looking, i didn't heed i didn't need, it wasn't mine nothing big, nor grand
some laughs we shared
and a sense of life
a humor we found
in life's gifts and tears
yet nothing profound
a daisy on a hillside
snatched my breath,
froze my tracks
precious in a mad rush life your heartfelt words
for my silly verse
your worry for my fears
your open heart
mostly it happened unbeknownst to me
yet now it's here - to stay
a friendship of rarity
just so it blossoms
succor for the daily trail
but tis' the little stuff they say is what comes to count... 

---------
reena
a forever ago...and now!

skin

I am but aged skin

Eyes reddened with all I've seen

Nails blunted from walls I've scaled

Hair that flailed in many winds

Journeys that were so long and hard
Sometimes unable to take one more step
Spat out with waters soaked in my blood
With room to breathe but I can only sigh

Forks & betrayals so many I couldn't recall

Tears are water, don't wash off blood

My collections of roses and thorns and mud

I fell and crawled and stood up again

Rode aspiration horses of broken legs

Uprooted from land that was mine, familiar

My heart sent off to a permanent exile

So yes I don't know how to cry

Now I smile, and laugh but it ends in ache

Such stories you couldn't imagine in dreams

My accounts could save you some wounds 

Won't you sit a while, listen to me?

----------

--Reena

April 7th 2015

goodnight

Goodnight my love.  
I miss you 
I fall asleep and...
I dream of you 
grateful for 
the love that's come my way...
because of you...I didn't earn it
you just gave it to me. 
Thank you for making my life 
so special, fragrant, aglow
for making this blink in a vast universe 
larger than the sky 
deeper than the ocean
And I will always love you
I know...
And do remember that. 

immortals

never asked any god to measure the darkness

no maps nor trails to count these paths 

and when i make that final leap

it will be whence i came just ashes and rocks

shaky impermanence one day will vanish

a temporary memory for those that follow

so will you and each who's here today

even myths we embrace, all baubles hollow

behold skies, brooks and beauty profound

tall pines, warm beaches or nodding flowers

trees that lean out, embrace the sun

maddening beauty journeys on forever

few were promised gods and avatars

or only one who would be the end all

and they asked for allegiance and all your faith

for an outcome of peace before the final fall

so i will be gone and so what?
the answers unshaken, always been the same
perhaps my echoes, my thoughts live on
just a fading memory or not even a name

but i gave my love when i lived as one
grew a garden, tended life, and shed a tear
lived with dignity, found in gratitude
every moment's essence i held dear

if i made one life happy, one flower bloom
if i held a hand that was shaking in mine
if i soothed a soul filled with darkness, despair
such small victories made my journey divine

for i found the only god that i know
the best of our trials and travails of our days
the longest journeys, the harshest climbs
such unlikely heroes, for demons we slayed

it's alone a wonder this time, this life
my consciousness alive to a deep awe
for all that's in an accidental universe
that we came to be here and just now!

so the end will come and render life precious
immortality would abandon it without price
a life of hope, fire, learned grace
it's yours! in you! here now! in this life!

-Reena

Jan 27th 2015

rude one

when she comes, she arrives unannounced
uninvited and shameless
forces me to leave everything
pay no attention to anyone who needs me
forget my purpose, my goals, my schedule
but selfishly like an infant
demand every bit of my psyche,
scream for my attention
grab me and hold me tight
till she comes pouring out
like a lava that must
like an outpouring of rain
from a desperate, distended cloud
like the pressure only an earthquake can relieve
that's how she arrives on any day
no warning, no whisper, no preamble
she's here and i must get her down
this self-centered, ego maniacal one
my poem....

**********************************
-reena
may 29th 2012

Jungle

Jungle

The jungle, the jungle finds me everywhere. 

The jungle finds a way, its own road. 

Seeping through, melting out, tearing past 

whatever stands in its way. 

No passion, no compassion, no vengeance, no love could explain 

It moves because it must

Like gravity it pulls away

Like water it finds its way

No rocks, no walls, no pressure

Could stand strong in its wake

Like pain it must find air

I do hide it in this heart

Never giving it words or a face

But it comes screaming, tearing out 

Taking by storm one unsuspecting day

For the heart forgets and the mind may erase

But this body remembers every scar

Every cut, slight and bruise

And I run but the jungle finds me

Growing afoot to drown me 

Until I let the pain take me whole, some place far away...

Dec 25, 2014

Caring

Standing on the edge of my tenuous cares
Should I pause or throw them in the air
I want to leap throw caution away
I envy the precipice and yet I stay
Hesitating for this hundredth time
The lives we build, such fires sublime
Can I leave searching far and away
My dreams colored wild yet here I stay


-------------------
reena

jan 7th 2015

light

all at once the mirror showed me all
the pain and scars from a life
i had buried and bandaged
telling myself they were just fears

but then i washed up on shore
with a broken heart and no more tears
and there i sat day dreaming of a place
so far i could have imagined it

nothing near my life or fears
you broke my parts but the whole held together
i've put it all together somehow
yet the cracks show and sometimes ache

will it all come and haunt me again
or will i move ever so slowly towards light
a belief i lost in my own fate
no future or dream could have saved me then

but today is different, shiny too
a road i saw become firm and hard
the fog parted and the lights came on
i will walk away and meet my life...


-----------------
reena
Jan 5th 2015