Chasm

Aggrieved you stand in your hollow shock

And ask of me why I went that wicked way

You cry this is betrayal’s final straw

How could I have sold you to this piper of hate?

You demand of me so many things

Elevation to better bargains surely?

Accuse me of not knowing better

Never once asking what my tradeoffs may be

Your rarefied logic, your easy answers

Talk of gains, opportunities I haven't had
Blithely loud in loaded language of justice

But absent at my people's pillage n' death

Somewhere in the future beyond hubris & hype

Silence your echo chambers that mock my type

And come see me, acknowledge that I do exist

When your gaseous claims of horror vaporize

And then we can talk and perhaps you will listen

When I tell you why I reclaimed my seat

To make you consider my life’s travails

This wasn’t about you, is that so hard to believe?

_____________________________________________

Reena 

11/13/16

Speaking for those that are being belittled and accused unfairly of all sorts of things at DT"s unexpected victory...

I almost named this poem "Self Absorption, Donald Trump and other horrors..."

deep

long are my losses
and so many departures
broken notions of debts
unpaid or never taken

burdens you brought and
left at my door
i took them in and carried
what was not mine to bear

yet you seemed to lose
the words you owed to me
even if actions never acted
i could dream for a while

the years just flew
became mere vapors to hold
where i should have left a wall
i now find the deepest voids

so i'll walk along
try not to look over anymore
for i have been loved so long
even the deepest ones will fill

-------
reena
september 27 2016

Tide

tide

look for your chance

don't say no when she knocks

happiness comes a few times

to our door and holds out her hand

if the voices hold you back

they speak for themselves, for others, for those who crush in the name of peace

never you, never one who stands and says "i matter"

never a dignity you seek, never that which will have us blossom

so turn a deaf ear, grab her hand, walk away

for this life has no grace, no love, no joy

you've done what you could

walk away now and grab that happiness

it's yours, rightfully yours and only yours

but you'll have to stand up, take it, be seen with it

no shame in that except for the voices

shut them out and step out into the sunlight...

--

Reena Kapoor

June 30th 2011

Wrote this for a friend who deserves better -- and simply needs to give herself permission for it...

winds

People move on, 

Idle curiosities die

Words wash away, 

Promises vaporize to fly

Truths hold their breath, 

as trusts come up blank

I let it all dissolve to dust

Just the times must've changed 

--Reena

Sept 2016

Wanderlust...

The stars will sometimes point the way

The winds surely nudge me on

Greater still distant lands that call

A lust to wander, their hopeless draw and surely I'll be gone ...

reena

-----

july 2016

eternity

so few days altogether remain
so much beauty to witness therein
i want to embrace it, swallow it all
i want to consume it, inhale it in

every morning when the birds chirp
my garden i wander into bare feet
craving to feel the earth on my soles
the grass that cools last night's fears

the chimes sing and urge me on
open your arms give it a try
a real embrace you will find
you can have this universe

for when you pass and as you leave
that joyousness will always remain
your essence the one that felt this need
will live in this perfumed garden

and those who come may never know
but somehow this presence will persist
for the grass the caressed my feet and played
will tell of joys past and yet to come...

--reena
from a cool summer morning
june 2nd 2016

protest

you want to know why i am this way
can't give you every last bit of trust
but i give away every bit of me
when i love, it can't be any other way

so my only wall is this last protest
i refuse to believe you're all mine
i won't let you have all my trust
for i fear my own annihilation

part of me will know to wait for you
even if you decide to keep walking on
if i am lost or drowning out at sea
i will look behind to see you coming for me

even then i know i'll let my heart wait again
but for now i try to convince it so
i won't believe what i already know
so let me have this last indulgence

this last resistance, this protest i make
is a paper thin wall i build to protect
even when i know this dam will break
i'll at least tell myself, i knew better...


reena
may 25th 2016
++++++++

claims and claimants

so you claimed friendship
as if it were a mere ritual
all you did was break bread together
even then only the ones allowed

or claimed you had sat and talked
but such guarded lines stood at impasse
sure claiming we shared it all
but our bread and daughters never crossed

what kind of friendship was this?
where suspicions stood ready at the door
guarding your purity that one so frail
and your gods offended at every drop

an idol became an insult
a slight touch was a fatal defiling
who can claim a kinship then
with all at ready for an easy killing

what kinds of gods are these
that only accept the other's blood
so decades old friendship became
nothing but a shallow house of mud

own up to the petty slave you are
to your unyielding god's fiery calls
and maybe then you'll readily smash
your narrow faith's mighty walls...


--
reena
may 24th 2016

"we always had muslim friends, i don't know how the killing began or why it happened....we never discriminated..."

Life's lines

Do we slow down at this journey's end
Because the friction gets so great
Or because we're tired and too weary for speed
Or is it only because we finally want to savor all that we know will be lost to us
All that was ours when we flirted about focused on irritants, minutiae
That we can't recall but then loomed large

So in this hour we long to grasp the beauty, hold on to the love, 

soak in our gratitude for having made this journey
Is that what the slowing is all about?
A final plea, a gentle struggle, a begrudging yielding
And a salute to love and life's brilliant glamor
Our vanity sucked away, our final victory over what didn't matter, in what is our final defeat.

Oh this flicker, momentary presence,
Oh sweet life!


-----
Reena
May 3rd 2016 

jigsaw

i write a few lines
stare at the words
to find the meaning
for this restlessness
who knows my name
and calls me so loudly
yet only i hear that voice
i stare at the letters
seeing the pieces untidy
will they fit together
or just jagged edges
elbowing for room
in my consciousness
calling for my attention
yet fleeing when i come
will the broken ones
please stand up
and identify themselves
perhaps these words will yield
the answers or maybe
there are none
and i make peace
with the unyielding questions...

shells & walls

and so you think this is a choice
something you can fight and flay
protect that place, that inner space
and hold me distant, safely at bay

so go on then and do what you must
and i will be right here standing still
for my breath it comes reminding me
i don't quite own your luxuries

such power, such a giant hold
was never mine to walk out that door
i never practiced hard enough
to love a little less or hold back more

for they say that's how to build a shell
i give it up as it spills from me
no bridge, no walls, no dams i built
i give up all, let it go for free

risked it happy for a life of heat
in this moment, in short time
i knew your walls your safety nets
no such luxuries were ever mine

did you think there'd be
a return to relive this time?
it's all here now and only this
then nothing but echoes in time

so come now, walk with me again
put your defenses away today
there may be pain, no guarantees
but oh we'll have such amazing days!


reena
april 26th 2016

the sea

the sea may come looking for me
the waves lap up inviting
i am not ready now, will I ever be?
i walk inattentive even as it's beckoning

this sand, this shore where we belong
this short sweet life with my hand in yours
the waves make us laugh, the sun we soak
together we built our haven our home

i think this love the force it has
must echo endless in this universe
how can it not blanket my every being
even after it is all ashes and dust

every day i thank my stars above
confess my love, hold my heart to yours
treasures we collected on this life's shore
became our light for ever more

i know some day the sea will come
into the blue i'll just have to go
but until then you'll find me here
every force bows deep to your hold

------------------
love...reena
april 13th 2016

university cafe

i went to that old cafe today
but it was not old from those days before
had been sold for some time i was told
and new lights and shine spoke loudly

it was where you'd like to meet
for anyone who sought you out
for advice and counsel and words to guide
for all who stumbled, got up and walked

never too busy never as much as lesser men
you always had this endless time
never dismissive "i'll let you know ..."
never a procrastinated phone call forgot

how genius generosity and an elder spirit
found home in your authentic self
no one you touched went unmoved about
after you were gone that miserable night

a freakish accident, a stunning blow
for all of us who forget in the now
that something senseless can befall
giants or ants equally erased

no one seemed to mind the new lights
in that place where old smells still lived
now the young faces chattered and talked
for new eras were hiding in the fold of time

the world moves, rotates endlessly hurried
i will remember as many like me must do
each carries memories of your giant spirit
that is all that remains and all that persists...

-reena

thirst

• Desperate for rain, 

• as if it will wash this indelible ink, 

• of voices and messages I can't shut off, 

• of worlds and words that can't be unlooked, 

• so on I go with a myth that pleases but no one, 

• just leaves a thirst so deep, 

• I long for nothing but rain rain rain...

one thirsty moment...

march 01 2016

the graduate

when did you grow up so much
that you can be alumni of any place
and now they have you back
to talk about the places you've been

you are but not yet fifteen
i see the wisdom arriving in your soul
such confusion for this mom's heart
your beatific baby smile is all i recall

your school of nine years, endless memories
it was a drive we've done a million times
moving from back to the front seat
in my car among your many graduations

i miss the days i had to rush like the wind
fight traffic, fight life -- somedays it was war
and there you'd be waiting, yet sometimes hard to be found
holding your own, only letting go in mommy's car

somedays a haven where you'd sit in silence
sometimes a madhouse where i'd have to bite my tongue
some days a confessional where sins were owned
sometimes just a place to hide from the world

and when we drove up to your old school last night
you played that song we used to sing in comical fun
when i laughed and said, what times it brings to mind
you said, "of course mom! i had to play it this ride"

how precious those days and they won't come back
but i know your soul does remember them well
you find treasures of meaning, what grown men can't do
my little sweet soul the world must have a lovely place for you

for my sweet M forever...

love,
Mom

Jan 15th, 2015 the day after "alumni night" at Bowman...