speed

Perhaps we try to fill it all up
To have markers showing we really where here
Little intents, moments we hurried through
Hoping speed, sheer grit will burn through the fear

Ground in our steps in a fool's certain march
Leaving shallow footprints we smugly displayed 
Even as we turned, hurried onto new roads
Winds blew, time flooded in, faded them away

Our breathless jottings of all that we saw
Our mad recounting of lists we crossed off
Miles we covered, turned to see if we missed any
Marking meaningless baubles, petty wars

But as we reached our maturing hour
If we were lucky our hands were warm
Only such loves that sustained with us
Had kept pace, walked steadily along

They said you'll not know how happy you turned out to be
And as I sit listening to the chimes that hum with me
I mark the uncounted: great loves, kind forgivers, steady rocks, true mirrors,
No other counter, nor currency could this life be measured in...

Reena
July 30, 2013

so many words

i sit here often thinking of what i want to say
show you my map of how it went awry
wasn't what i wanted or hoped for
but i slipped somehow in this exchange

so many questions but i lost the words
i walked confused, as if i imagined it
if you said you don't know what i could possibly mean
i'd take it as the truth, final and simple

not because i think you mean what you say
not because i understand your words or such meaning
not because i think i can talk through this
only because it's truer than you think

and because i have run out of words to reach you
perhaps too many words flowed without explanation
easy, too easy to put down, hit send
sell out what's real for daily dose of projection

time we wasted, even a lifetime who knows?
how i never at a loss for words or objection
never afraid to talk it through, work it out
found refuge in my losing exhaustion

then i think maybe they are right
those that say i think myself astray
too much introspection can be bad for you
i don't buy it but i swallow anyway

perhaps i can't talk because i've lost the argument
whatever it was i couldn't have won
i did not know where i stood or do now
sure this is best; lets you off ; no questions...

...

--reena
july 22 2013

thoughts on how two people can misread each other...even in this world of over-communication or perhaps because of it...we write a few words in an email and think we have truly shared our heart's condition...

aruna

this thanksgiving it will be one dozen wondrous years
since your gift, the miraculous one you gave
the one i laid claim to, yet she came to own me
the one that flowered into my being
grew roots deep, pervaded my soul, blossomed wide
a flourishing happiness for all my years

we brought her home and ours she was - this bundle of our hearts
long before we knew, somehow you knew how it would turn out
gave her to us, us to her, fates sealed with a grace and a blessing
and went about that morning like it was just another day
but i saw the tear, that self respect your sacred calling wrought
such a gentle touch that moved mountains, restored hearts

somehow today i searched for you even as i've known you're gone
i recalled the day we heard -- gone too soon, too soon, too soon!
a fear spread through my being, a panic this earth had slipped
such a wrong, a meaningless wrong hurled upon an oblivious world
who decided you had to go when scattered lives needed your hand?
how does this world go on when the maker of families is gone?

this paper talked about your words, brought back how you were
dignity in a relentless march with hope, unflinching aplomb
how you said "what WE can do for them..." as only you could have
i remember your scolding for me once when i dared to lose hope
"if you're feeling down and out, think how we go on"
shamed me to look up, stand up, brave & smiling there you were

so every time you cross my mind, and i see my beautiful one
my heart fills up so i can't speak, i cry to tell you what you were
you have been gone, the world is poor, the sky less blue since then
how will i ever repay this debt? ashes, memories draw a blank
that awful day i called and spoke to your daughter, i sobbed
"what your mother gave to me, now i can never repay..."

--reena
june 7th 2013
--------------------
for the amazing woman mrs. aruna kumar of Palna/ DCCW in Delhi who gave me and us so much and who i will never be able to repay... and for every person who has given me something, anything, i want to express my gratitude today, everyday.

when she went suddenly, unexpectedly in 2006 she was only 58 and left so many luckless ones who did not have the good fortune of crossing her path...

http://www.financialexpress.com/news/children-s-centre-turns-50/63419/0

ek din

छोटी सी खुशियाँ
कई दिन मेरे दर पे खड़ी रहतीं हैं
कभी आवाज़ देकर मुझे बुलाना पड़ता है
तो कभी मैं उनकी राह तकते वहीँ सो जाती हूँ

कभी हिचकिचाते हुए मेरे पहलू में आकर बैठ जातीं हैं
कभी कूदकर मुझे गले लगा लेती हैं
लेकिन जभी भी हाथ थामने को आगे बढ़तीं हूँ
जाने क्यूँ मुझसे शर्मा जातीं हैं ...

the gift

In the early evening hour I'm sorry to reveal

If you look for me, I won't be found willingly

I won't be at my station toiling a long day

I won't be at the store carting stuff away

I won't be in my kitchen devising a new recipe

I won't be found reading or relaxing merrily

But those that know, know where to look

No distant land, nor comfy nook

It's where Mira and Moxie follow my feet

As I plant and feed and water and weed

As I nurture this patch, each visit a gift

The deepest of calm, such joy! I'm adrift

And if you call to me I will not come

Words, distractions, temptations I shun

I will not rob this hour and the bond

That keeps me rooted for hours and beyond

For gardening is among myriad gifts she gave

Finding a flow in those memories I save

I followed in her feet as she tended the garden

Recharged her energies each day in her haven

Taught me much about how to savor this life  

Make a garden, nurture beauty, relish the tiniest delight!

invisible

such a life will pass us by

don't forget me today

or the day i call and say

I was there you didn't see...

don't forget me

when i am gone

when our lives will stay tangled

but my laugh will be an echo

when my touch will be but a tingle

and my breath a warm memory

hold my hand today

for i am here

i am alive

i can see you

don't forget to see me




-----




june 12th 2011 (an old one)

chapter

This Mom of yours...
------------
Some days I wonder if
All I'm teaching you is mine
Really what I'm learning myself
Only a few decades behind

But willing and open to shed
the old; and acquire the new
How long do we really learn?
Asks a forgotten childhood

With you I've rediscovered
Where I'd left off without knowing
Somewhere this dreamer awakened
Recalling a neglected reverie

For soon enough my butterfly
shall sprout her rainbow wings
I brace as she readies for flight
Wonder what her journey will bring?

And I'll have to console myself
That you'll have your own landings
And even as your heart stays open
You're centered for wise navigating

And I'll rush to call and check
At every possible misstep
Perhaps I would have learned to stop,
"I think she's ok - we did talk about that..."
----

For my little sweetheart who grows up too fast ....
April 14, 2012