small hands

i've seen those eyes brim over with love
i've felt the warmth of her little arms
i've kissed her sleeping forehead with tears
is it possible to see a greater god?

her hands are growing as is her gaze
she gives me hints of glories to come
and worries me when i see pain
but promise i will let her set the terms

this flourishing we are bound to witness
even as we fuss and fear, stand ready at watch
i know i signed up for a helpless plan
to water, to shade, to simply stand at guard

When...

When you come back
Can I cry in your arms
Tell you my woes
Sing you my fears

When you come back
Will you hold me close
Will you let me tell you
Of my hardest fights

When you come back
Will you give me permission
To ask for what's mine
What you take away and go

When you come back
Will you promise to not
Make me feel I ask for too much
Demand what's not mine

When you come back
Will you promise to listen
Even when I struggle to say
How I miss even at my best

When you come back....

promise

the sun owes none
no promises made 
only a bright light 
that pulls me to him 
i get too close
and my flesh burns
my heart shrinks
from his cruel heat
so bright 
i try to hold it close 
the stench of smoke
of a burning past
no promises made
and fewer kept
yet i lie awake and wait for you 
one day you'll see my fire small 
that burns one way, all day
and only for you...

-Reena
sometime in 2011

Don't know where this comes from but it writes itself...some days! A song (ab to hai tumse har khushi apni...) about being in love with a famous yet angry man, some lyrics, a book, a story, a reverie anything can set off these words that must find a way...

fire

A tiny piece of heaven
Unbeknownst we were given
And when the stars align
Gather up their shine
This world is lit, alive
My best and yours, we thrive
Don't turn, why won't you stay?
For even heavens they waste away
Perhaps I ask too much
Too many fences keep us
Wrapped in a world of binds
We pretend but inexorable & blind
Ephemeral as a bird's sweet song
You ask if we even belong
Yes we do, this is ours -- meant to be!
Here! take these eyes! don't you see?


-reena

Nov 11, 2013

golden

A few new curves that life did throw we caught with some aplomb
Who really knows what the future holds but we'll keep walking on
Sometimes we'll stumble sometimes we'll fall
Sometimes so bruised and burnt
I'll keep your hand in mine, mine tight with yours
For all the years that tread lines in us
we hum as one in this long chorus!

Our stories have been many we've never tired never told
How I tell them is mine to keep
Yours may come out different even set to the same tune
I hear yours and they rhyme with mine
Tales flow like eternal songs

They are ours yet have been here forever
That's how we know they ring true because they echo
All those who've loved like us, lived with gratitude 
Their panache and passion left footprints we've seen.

So let's grieve and let the tears come if they must
Let me be here for a while, I'll sit by you
You by me and let it pass...

passage

Oct 1st 2013: Anurag's Dad passed away

Oct 3rd

Mira: ....[talking incessantly about her beloved Dadaji's passing this morning] ...hmmm...what happens when we die, Mommy?

[Context: We are not religious -- actually we are atheists -- and so we don't have explanations about God and heaven that we can offer... did wonder this morning if that would be easier, actually]

Me: Well life just ends!  Actually the world ends -- for the person who dies. There is no more world. There is a saying "ashes to ashes, dust to dust" so the body just disintegrates and disappears and becomes part of the dust, and earth and the universe again which, is where we come from, are part of anyway.

Mira: Oh! So Dadaji is now in the rain, in the stars...

Me: ... in everything.  Yes - exactly, ...we come from that and go back to that...we are a part of the Universe.

2 DAYS LATER...

[While I am driving Mira to school]

Mira: That means we are breathing dead people too! EWWWW...

:-)

whisper

a small thankfulness spreads all over me
some days they weigh so heavy
i let it engulf me, surrender without voice
a quiet gratitude that settles me, rejuvenates...